RELATIONAL THERAPY

Issues to do with self-esteem

In our fast paced, competitive and achievement oriented society, we all wonder sometimes whether we are good enough.
Sometimes the feelings of shame, guilt or the longing for approval that we carry around without awareness, lead us to behaviours of pleasing somebody, or anybody, right away...because we might carry the fear of being terribly flawed, or somehow inadequate, cand that belief can take away your personal power. It can make you want to hide and avoid difficult but important conversations, or to try to prove yourself endlessly, until exhaustion.  If you feel at a standstill, endlessly procrastinating or escaping into troublesome relationships or behaviours, counselling together can help you find the insights, courage and willpower to break out of the patterns that are holding you back from living the life you want to live.

Navigating the impact of trauma
​
Trauma is a complex field in the therapeutic environment. There is
trauma caused by a single terrible event, and also complex trauma also known as relational trauma, fed by historic neglect, abuse or abandonment and triggered by your present circumstances. Abandonment can be physical, when somebody dear to us either leaves us or suddenly dies. It can also be emotional. Emotional abandonment wounds are hard to see on the surface, but they manifest in the mind and body as dread of being left alone or falling behind in some way.  
Feelings of panic, repetitive nightmares, flash-backs, perpetual restlessness, an inability to control worrying thoughts, feelings of not belonging , confusion about who you are, an addiction to harmful relationships, or indeed any form of addiction, thoughts of worthlessness and self-harm, are all signs of a potentially traumatic life events. Whilst I cannot diagnose any condition, as a counsellor I can help you explore your feelings and thoughts confidentially and I can help you make sense of your suffering, so you can choose a peaceful way of living. Trauma thrives on suppressed emotions! If we bravely and compassionately explore emotional triggers and unwanted behaviours in a safe way and in a safe environment, our new found understanding can transform our lived experience can and lead us to personal freedom. 

Relationship problems
​
Relationships are a constant process of change, whether it’s with your boss, your partner, your friends or with your child. If you’re struggling in relationships, it is probably because of their inbuilt tensions. In counselling together we can explore these tensions and find a way forward.
Relating to other people has as a base the way we primarily relate to ourselves. If we are wearing mono-coloured lenses, we miss out on new perspectives. We are born in relationships are we can thrive in them too if we can understand each other and relate in healthy ways to one another. Sometimes the pain of our past is mirrored in the present moment by the behaviour of someone we love, so we need a non-judgemental and caring person to help us reconnect to our truth. Your worth does not have to be defined by how "good" of a person you are, nor by mistakes. Let's work together on developing a growth mindset and learn from past mistakes, to develop a resilient way of being in life and in love!

Issues arising from discrimination or from being different

When we struggle to feel accepted for who we are, our basic sense of safety is challenged. We feel alienated and lonely. Love is what unites us, but being loved is not the same thing as feeling loved. I am here for you with an open heart and a listening ear if you're different, in any way, and you need to feel like you belong.

Often I find through exploration with clients that there is a sort of Protector Part of the Self actively trying to discourage them from just being themselves or speaking up about what they think and of what they believe in. One's personal values get thrown away for the sake of just "fitting in". As much as this Part tries to protect them, it also criticises them harshly and holds their behaviour to impossibly high expectations, therefore threatening to demolish any authentic sense of self-esteem. This is a common trap people find themselves in when their core sense of Self has not been accurately appraised or guided, instead it has been measured stringently by standards that do not resonate with the individual.
I work to the BACP's  code of ethics for counselling and psychotherapy and I am trained to work with issues of difference and diversity, including relational issues due to ADHD and Autism.
"...Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here." From 'Desiderata' by Marx Ehrmann, 1927.